As I young child, I was really into Carly Simon. I am talking ages 5 through 10 perhaps. No joke. I have all her children's books. Signed. Let's blame Martha's Vineyard and my godmother's bookstore for this one, not that blame is necessary because Carly Simon is a terrific singer and songwriter. Carly's Greatest Hits Live (from Martha's Vineyard, of course) was easily one of my top five cassettes for years and years (right up there with the Cocktail soundtrack, The California Raisins' Sing The Hit Songs, The Beach Boys' Made in the U.S.A., Rick Astley's Hold Me in Your Arms and Whenever You Need Somebody, and Carly's Have You Seen Me Lately -- yes, that's more than five, but you get the idea).
My mother probably got quite tired of having to listen to those tapes on repeat over and over and over.... and I guess I did too. Either that, or once I hit middle school I decided that the trappings of my childhood were likely uncool. This lead to Carly, Rick, and the Raisins (even as a middle schooler I was prescient enough to know that The Beach Boys can never, ever be uncool) were summarily abandoned for lord-knows-what.
I honestly cannot tell you off the top of my head what music I listened to from grades seven to eleven. In the arena of music at that time, I gave up my usual independent streak and tried to fit in by listening to whatever was popular at the time. Plus, I hadn't yet discovered that buying and collecting CDs was just as rewarding as doing the same with books. I don't think I have many CDs left from that period in my life, and I am perfectly okay with that.
Thankfully during senior year of high school, I discovered Bryan Ferry, Roxy Music, and Daft Punk's Discovery and got back on track. Once I got to college, I began to realize that I needed to give up on the "cool," "popular" music and just listen to what made me happy (for the most part - I think it took until the end of college to truly embrace my own groove). In doing this, Carly and Rick were resurrected via CD, and more Beach Boys music was acquired. (Once I moved to New York and started working for a music production company, one of my new friends was able to convert my California Raisins cassette to mp3 for me. One of the best days of my life: California Rains on my iPod, at long last.)
As I have grown older, I have realized that the meanings of songs change, even though their lyrics never do. As a seven year old, I didn't realize that "All I Want Is You" is about hot sex. I didn't understand the pain expressed in "Do The Walls Come Down" or "Coming Around Again." And then, of course, there is the whole of Pet Sounds, which is impossible to comprehend until one has gotten out there and lived as much as possible every day as an adult. When I revisited these songs in college and brought them back into my life on a permanent basis, I couldn't quite believe that I had listened and sung along to all these songs as a little kid. There, in my early twenties, I thought I finally understood and knew what these songs were about.
Oh how wrong I was. With each passing year, I have discovered that back in those halcyon days, I was merely at the tip of the iceberg. As I have experienced more of life, had more relationships, faced and surmounted more challenges, and fallen in and out of love, I have come to have new understandings and appreciations of these songs that have been in my head and my heart for at least twenty years.
Twenty years is a long time to live with something so near and dear, but at the same time there is much more life ahead of me. I wonder what these songs will mean to me twenty more years down the line (or even just one, two, or five) and what nuances I will be able to tease out of them once my life has taken me places that I dare not even dream right now.
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